Missing months on the blog kill me. Not because I’m worried that anyone’s wondering what’s happened to me or that anyone is anxiously awaiting my next deeply moving essay on clumsiness or whatever other bullshit I fill this space with.

It breaks my heart because of how important it is to me to have this record of where I’ve been. Of who I’ve been. There’s this great TED talk on how people underestimate how much they’ll change in the future — even though they recognize how much they’ve changed in the past.

I suffer from many judgment errors, but this is the one place where I tend to see fairly clearly. I have no delusions about how in flux I am.

And I just want to be able to remember everything. Every stupid little thing.

But the pieces are everywhere. I am a resident of a new state. I have a series of regular-ish social outings. I have this whole new life and building it has been exciting and sometimes overwhelming and I hate that pieces of it might slip away.

I’m just not sure what there is to say. Family and friends ask me questions about how I’m doing and I can say that I’m doing well, but somehow life just sort of becomes life and so much of what makes it up gets lost somewhere.

So to my future self, I’m sorry that I have been such a poor documentarian. I have been busy finding my way around this job I adore, learning to play complicated games that I am still very bad at, going to this one bar with such frequency that the bartender knows our group’s collective order, exploring this town that keeps surprising me with how much I like it, and making a truly fantastic group of friends.

I am sorry that I have not documented Crock Pot Pot Lucks, the Seven Day Going Out Challenge, or the ever-changing list of mysterious problems with The Badlander’s pool table. I have neglected to mention the thousand new things I learn at work each week or how I started running again or the cool lady I bought a candle from one First Friday.

There are a thousand other little vignettes of what my life is now that will likely vanish as they are replaced by other, newer memories. I can only hope you’ll remember enough to be content.

If not, there’s also this:

(This is also my way of saying that I’m doing VEDA again and I’ve got a whole playlist of this VEDA stuff if you’re into that sort of thing.)