I have been on vacation for the last several days, but I am now at home in bed with some obscure disease, by which I mean I just have a ferocious cold and my body is producing world record amounts of snot. Glad I shared, right? Right. Anyway, the Shitty Movie Awareness Club became a bit of a clusterfuck this month. This month’s theme is animated movies. My post on The Last Unicorn went up here at Late to the Party last week. One of my favorite bloggers, Tits Coyote Rose, from Dancing On The Bar Of Life wrote this post a week ago and it has been sitting in limbo forever. It was too good to let it disappear, so my sexy phlegm voice and I get to host it. I promise I didn’t touch it.

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Okay first i am going to totes squeal like a fan girl for being on Sweeneey’s blog this month, since i like love this girl. Seriously her hair makes me so fricken jealous. Also the going to Paris thing. *AHEM* moving on, its time for Shitty Movie Awarness Club and this month we are doing animated movies. Now i love me some animated films. I use my two little sisters as excuses to go see stuff like Toy Story 3 and Tangled. Anyways, I opted to do the first movie that came to mind: BeBe’s Kids.

If you were not a child of the early 90s you may have never seen this movie, but my mom used to watch it all the time and I used to catch repeats of it on comedy central. For the record this movie was much much funnier as a child than it was as an adult, also because Bebe’s kids don’t seem so bad because EVERY FUCKING KID acts like that today. But per usual, I m getting ahead of myself.

The movie starts with the main character Robin in a bar telling people about his horrible horrible encounter with Bebe’s kids. Robin is at the funeral of some guy Walter that he knows. Him and his buddies are making jokes about Walter and his wife, which seems fucked up since they are at a funeral. Robin eyes this woman, Jamika, and summarily makes a complete ass out of himself. I mean he practically forces her to give him a ride home, and then talks about serial killers. Way to be a douchebag!

Jamika uses Robin’s interest in her to her advantage by convincing him to take her and her son to Fun World (which is a blatant knock-off of Disney world) even though she think he’s an ass and a moron (dude even in animation I could tell this girl wasn’t interested). Anyways Robin shows up to pick up Jamika and her son and finds her with 3 more kids. Apparently Jamika is babysitting for her friend Bebe, who is apparently the WORST MOTHER on the face of the planet. I mean these kids aren’t fed, don’t behave and frankly i’m a little afraid of them.

Anyways they arrive at Funworld and the kids are let loose and reek havoc on the park. At this point I am not even going to tell you what they do I’m just going to go through the list of criminal charges I would have pressed on Robin and these kids:

• Child Endangerment (children under 5 not in a carseat)
• Child Neglect (allowing children under 11 to run around an amusement park unsupervised. Haven’t these people heard of serial killers, child abduction and pedophiles?)
• Breaking and Entering
• Stealing
• Assault with a deadly weapon (at one point one of the kid chases people with a whip)
• Destruction of property
• Pirating (they hijack a boat at one point)
• Kidnapping (they use said boat to ram another boat and take prisoners)
• Child Abandonment (Robin tries to leave the kids at the park)
• Assault with the intent to maim and disfigure

The weirdest parts of the whole movie is when the kids get taken hostage by animatronic robots who put them on trial as they are hooked up to the electric chair. Robot Richard Nixon runs the prosecution and Robot Abraham Lincoln runs the defense and a Robot Terminator is the judge. The kids get off by- wait get this- breaking into a rap song that makes no sense whatsoever.

Color me surreal- I am totally breaking into rap the next time i get pulled over by the cops. Sure fire way to get out of that speeding ticket, yo.

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If you are equally pressed for things to do, you know, sitting in bed dying of your own melodrama…or, just tired of typing things at your boring job, you can see just how amazing this weekend was and watch the grestest video ever on Shelly’s blog. It’s kind of magical.