I only had a few hours to hang out in DC before we had to load up the car and drive home. Somehow, a few hours skulking around my former college campus was more than enough to give me an unending, “!!!! I am just. so. uncomfortable.” feeling. Yet when given the option to go elsewhere, I couldn’t tear myself away. As my former roommate/bff, Vagina reminded me, “Well, you aren’t happy until everyone is uncomfortable.” The running theme for my life…

But seriously. I’ve been gone a year and things are already different-looking. I don’t like it. It’s supposed to be frozen in time and when I return, I am supposed to be rushing to some random sociology class that I am late for with a paper that I hastily put together. I am also supposed to fall under an instant exhaustion spell once I enter the campus boundaries that makes me have the irresistible urge to nap, regardless of the amount of sleep and caffeine I have had.

I had lunch with my two favorite freshmen who are no longer freshmen but in my head will always be freshmen even after they become real people which is a phenomenon I refuse to believe is even possible. They will probably be my barometer for my own feelings of agedness for the rest of time.

The last time I went back to visit, I was staying with senior friends and participating in their general absurd college-ness, and in spite of the eerie feeling that something was amiss, it was mostly just like I had never left college. Dorm parties, Rocky Horror Picture Show, bar crawls, and a “protest” on the mall. Basically a solid summary of my four years as a DC college student.

But enough time has now passed that there was no feeling as though I had never left. I left. It’s over. I’ve moved on (albeit begrudgingly). So that staggering sense of discomfort was a thousand times worse than it had previously been.

But I am not really a stranger to that particular feeling. No, I’m not just talking about being uncomfortable / making others uncomfortable. There are a long list of places that were once “home” and then suddenly ceased to be home. Going back is always sort of disconcerting.

It’s always weird to revisit places that used to be significant because they somehow seem to represent that person you used to be. My childhood neighborhood, my high school, whatever. And my feelings for those places are usually directly related to my feelings for who I was at that juncture. College is still too recent. In a year I have changed, but not all that much. It’s like looking in a funhouse mirror and it gives me the creeps.

BUT, as one of the freshmen has just returned from a semester abroad, and the other will be heading abroad next year, I got to flail with both of them about that and it was magical.

EXCEPT I STILL HAVE FOURTEEN HUNDRED THOUSAND THINGS TO DO BETWEEN NOW AND THE END OF AUGUST.

So in keeping with Monday’s lists of lists of lists:

1) Convince the French government to let me in.
I finally finished the online portion of the process that was giving me so much hell earlier this week. At some point it asks you what language you need to use the site in, and I imagine that they do this as sort of a joke. “Oh, English? You mean you want to come to our country without learning our fucking language? You stupid asshole. We just asked you for funsies. The bulk of this site will now be in French anyway, because that’s what we fucking speak. Jackass.”

Hopefully, from this point forward, I will have far fewer struggles, as I have completed college and have no criminal record. That I am aware of.

2) Rob a bank.
Or win the lottery. Or, you know, apply for graduate school loans. Fortunately, the financial aid office of a school with a mere fraction of the endowment had by my undergraduate institution was a lot kinder to me (go figure) so I really don’t need to take out that much this time around, but the very thought of taking out another loan makes my soul hurt.

3) Learn French.
All right, so, I know that I’m not actually going to acquire any remarkable degree of fluency over the course of the summer, particularly when I don’t have anyone who is fluent to speak to, but I bought this at home course thing so that I can at least have a foundation when I get there. I would like to at least be able to ask for directions and be able to order croissants and wine. Specifically, directions to the best croissants and wine in the vicinity of wherever I happen to find myself.

Unfortunately for me, the woman who narrates the tapes that go with this course is probably the most condescending bitch ever to record her own voice. I have arguments with her sometimes. She tells to me to say something and then doesn’t give me enough time to say it and cuts me off with this “MMKAY GOOOOOOD.” and I just want to punch her in the face. IT WASN’T GOOD. I DIDN’T EVEN SAY IT. HOW THE FUCK AM I SUPPOSED TO CONJUGATE ETRE IF YOU KEEP DOING THAT? Bitch.

4) Find a place to live.
My school doesn’t do dorms, but they have a housing office that tries to get you set-up in an apartment, but they don’t do anything until you show up and although they swear that they can get you a great deal, this seems absolutely illogical to me. If I didn’t hate being cold more than most things, I would consider just setting up a tent along the Seine, but I see that working out badly somehow. A kid once lived in our library at GW. I wonder if I can get away with this as a grad student, as I will probably spend more time there than the undergrads anyway.

5) Buy a plane ticket.
I figure items 1 and 2 are probably vital precursors to this. Maybe. Also, I have yet to decide when I’m going. So. That’s a thing.

This list could actually go on forever, but it’s giving me a headache just thinking about it. Also, in spite of how vastly unproductive I have been, I made another list, so I’m going to go ahead and call today a win. Good plan, right? Right.