I had this idea in my head that I could somehow formulate a cohesive post to explain this year’s Coachella experience, but when 75,000 people gather in the desert for three days with over a hundred musical acts and a shit ton of weird art, that idea is absurd.

So instead this is just going to be arbitrarily selected highlights and random pictures. AAAAND GO:

Yvonne gets around.

I brought Yvonne in on days 1 & 2. She made so many friends and got lots of action. At a certain point, though, I started to cringe when random guys and girls would grab the styrofoam head and think themselves oh-so-clever for making out with it. Because after a while that mouth got around. I feel like I should hose her down with Lysol before shipping her off to her next care-taker. That said, she was a great way to make friends. She was also my GPS tracking device. Whenever I got lost/separated, I could hold her up and find my group.

I’m the weird girl. Shocking.

In my many years of attending Coachella, I have taken a lot of pictures of the random weird things that people do there. While holding up my super sexy BFF Yvonne, people started taking pictures of me. At first I wasn’t sure if I was supposed to smile or do anything to acknowledge that this was happening. Some people did actually ask to take pictures but there were lots of random people who just took a picture and I wasn’t sure what the protocol was for that scenario. Then I realized that at long last, I was now one of the weird girls at Coachella. Finally.

I really wish I could find at least one of the countless pictures taken of Yvonne by strangers. None of my Google searches have been successful so far. I will bake cookies for anyone that can find one of these pictures. No seriously. I will bake you cookies and mail them to your residence.

Another thing I wish I could find is the amazing video taken as we left the parking lot on our last day. The explanation kills the story, so all you need to know is that we piled six people into my mustang with the top down and a stranger asked if he could record us singing “Friday.” And it was magical. (same offer, yo. I bake delicious cookies. forrealforreal.)

Fun Bags and Party Dresses

My BFF Arbor Mist is a booze smuggling wizard. She brought ziplock bags and between our two bras, we had four fun bags. I could not enjoy my temporary boob job because the plastic was stabbing me in the chest. All was well, though, when I got to take them out and drink the vodka. Problem solved.

I would also like to point out that while it’s hot as balls and there are girls running around with tape on their nipples and calling it an outfit, I saw this as an ideal opportunity to run around in pretty dresses.

…and then she died

I may have mentioned one, two, or twenty times that Jimmy Eat World is my favorite band. Also that Coachella is my favorite place. So I was all the way to the front for their set on Sunday and basically I exploded. I don’t really have anything more to say about this.

Speaking of actual performances, I saw Kanye West play Coachella in 2006 (maybe 2005? I don’t remember) and it was this really chill middle of the day dance party. When he came out on a crane suspended over the audience and lit off fireworks throughout each chorus of “Power” it was clear that this was a rather different Kanyechella performance.

…and then there were a bunch of random pictures