Today is not actually August 13th. It’s actually November 13th, but I’m really bad at dates and times and things because life after college is really hard so we are going to pretend it’s August 13th. So on this day (August 13th) in 1960 the CAR declared independence from France. August 13, 2008 was the day Michael Phelps set the record for number of Olympic gold medals. And twenty-some-odd-none-of-your-damn-business years ago, Risha Rao was born.

She probably thought I was kidding when I said I would do this. I probably was kidding. I usually am just kidding. I could certainly fill an entire post with nonsense about the fact that I’m back to working with the awesome 8th graders, my adventures in substitute teaching, or the fact that I just returned from an impromptu trip to Indiana. I would much rather dedicate an entire post to her, because it’s her fake birthday.

Reason #1: She loves the semicolon

She was once told off for “abusing the poor semicolon far beyond it’s endurance or it’s capabilities.” This is the reason I decided to make this list in the first place. We were having a big nerdy conversation about grammar and style and our mutual obsession with the semicolon. I think that anyone who loves the semicolon so much that she has been admonished for it is pretty darn swell.

Reason #2: She is reinventing the passport photo

She wrote a post called smile like you mean it on the tragedy of passport photos and how personal her passport is to her. The post itself is excellent and sums up that combination of humor and heartfelt charm that makes her so wonderful.

Reason #3: Just watch this…

She made a vlog post where she reads the poem Twat.

I was going to embed it here and let it speak for itself, but it’s making things a little screwy, so it will have to speak for itself in its rightful place.

Reason #4: She respects that activism and beer belong together

She’s also incredibly smart and actually makes the world a better place when she goes to work. You can read the full story behind what’s going on there. But mostly you should just support the sincere magic of this photo.

Reason #5: It’s her fake birthday, damnit.

I believe that it is an unwritten law of the universe that your birthday (and fake birthday, created by a girl who has lost all concept of time) entitles you to 24 hours of undisputed superiority. Is it your birthday? Oh. It is? Sorry about that. I guess that’s a tie. I’m using reasons 1–4 to break that tie in her favor.

Happy fake birthday!