You know what’s really annoying? When people incessantly put down Thing A in favor of Thing B when other people have only experienced Thing A. With that in mind, I apologize in advance to any die-hard Lollapalooza goers. I also encourage any fellow Coachella fanatics to attend Lollapalooza at some point, just to experience it firsthand.

However, since Coachella has been a significant part of my life since I was 14, I can’t help but make the comparison. From mid-January up until the event in late April, you can expect to hear me talking about how excited I am. You can then expect me to spend the next two months talking about how awesome it was. Take everything I say with the grain of salt my obvious bias deserves.

As awesome as Lollapalooza was, I couldn’t help but come away with an obvious list of reasons it was less awesome than Coachella:

1. Mosquitoes
2. Humidity
3. People
4. Layout
5. Certain employees and rules that are just stupid

There are lots of bugs that fly in your face and bite you

I think this speaks for itself. In my many years of attending Coachella I have never received a bug bite from it. One year at Lollapalooza and I come home with nine thousand* mosquito bites. I know, I know, I have spent enough time in mid-western summertime to know to come wearing a solid layer of DEET, but that shit makes my skin burn, and it was over 90 degrees on Sunday, so I was not feeling that. These mosquitoes are not a problem in Indio, CA.

The weather affects my mood

I am annoyingly particular about weather. I complain when the weather gets in the vicinity of freezing. I complain when it gets really humid. I just like dry heat. I’m really good with the desert. Coachella is in the middle of the desert. Lollapalooza is, once more, in the mid-west. It gets disgustingly humid around these parts in the summer. Both places are hot, but at least the desert is dry. I know, I know, you’re calling me my wambulance now.

I have this theory about people on the west coast

I feel that the west coast just tends to be more relaxed and this changes as you travel North East, with New Yorkers being the most uptight/stressed people in America. After this weekend, I think people just do more drugs at Coachella. Or better drugs. Regardless of what it is, people seemed considerably more aggressive at Lollapalooza. Of course, three times as many people attended Lollapalooza than attended Coachella. Which might just mean that other people think I am totally wrong on my which-is-better assessment. You could also say that I’m rooting for an elitist event. But my theory about angry people may have a lot to do with the next item on my list.

The magic of big open spaces

People could also be so angry because they are constantly being herded. (Or they are constantly being herded because there are so many of them.) Due to the fact that Coachella is held on a polo field, there is a whole lot of empty land that is free to be filled as the festival organizers see fit. Lollapalooza is as well-organized as it possibly can be in Grant Park. However, Grant Park creates constraints that do not exist at Empire Polo Field. The fact that Grant Park is a public park in a major city requires certain parts of the festival to be blocked off and walkways restricted. This created a lot of really annoying bottleneck situations when popular acts ended. (My wambulance hasn’t arrived yet; I’m sure it will get here by the end of my final rant.)

Assholes are everywhere

This is not a Lollapalooza v. Coachella issue. It is relevant to my general ranting about our weekend, though this really could have happened anywhere. The short version of the story is that Ashley took a bit of a beating from the crowd during MGMT’s set. On top of being kicked in the head and stepped on and all of that, she was under-hydrated on the hottest day of the festival. Yes, she should have had more water. Yes, she could have been more careful.

You may also feel free now to judge me for letting my 15 year old sister wander off alone, to which I can only say that I went to shows by myself at 14 and 15 and maybe we just have awful parents who are foolish for trusting their kids and teaching us not to be afraid of the world. Or maybe shit just happens.

All of that being said, she was a scared kid and did not deserve to be yelled at by the medical staff on top of everything else. She answered their questions honestly. Screaming the question again didn’t change the answer. Moreover, in their quest to badger her, they failed to clean up the many nasty gashes on her legs that were filled with dirt and grass. Maybe someone should reevaluate the outrageous system that prevented the people that originally helped her from being able to stay with her and keep her calm. They were not allowed to hop on the little golf cart back to the medical tent because the route cut through the VIP area. I’m really glad everyone has their priorities in order. Really, really glad.

Fortunately one of those guys called me immediately so I got to the medical tent minutes after she did. When I got there she was being helped by two people who seemed to actually understand the proper way to speak to someone who is so visibly shaken up, which I appreciated. Ultimately, this was what she needed most, and after I got her out of there (where the internal “SOMETHING IS WRONG” alarms were firing and preventing her from calming down) got her some food and made her sit down for a while, she was back to her usual weird self.

I promise that my next post will be a big Lollapalooza love fest, since I did love 97% of it. Especially the people who were nice to my sister and gave her water. I might forget to talk about those things, but thank you. To Ashley’s three rescuers: you deserve the bulk of my Lollapalooza love fest, whether I remember to get to it or not.

But that’s for another day. Consider me all vented out for now.

*as previously stated, I reserve the right to make this up as I go